Lately I've been feeling kinda BLAH!! I have been losing friends on facebook right and left, probably for several different reasons...After having three kids, my body looks like it...and I wish I could shake this "never seem to do anything right" syndrome...When I was a little girl I was so shy...When people would come up to me and ask how I was doing I would quietly say "Fine" and hide my face...It took me well into my adult years to overcome the shyness and still feel like I need to be more of a chatterbox...I don't have a circle of friends that I hang out with all the time or anyone that I go shopping or to lunch with...I'm really close to one of my sisters, but I wish her and I didn't live in different states...
I have been struggling mercilessly since having Jordan to lose those stubborn baby leftovers, but I get so depressed when I get on the scale...lucky for me I haven't gained or lost anything right now, but still it seems hopeless...I want so bad to lose some weight so I can fit into my old jeans again...I do good during the week while Jared's on the road, but then I cook up a storm when he gets home, cause I feel so bad for him having to eat microwave burritos at the truck stops all week...I was lucky enough not ending up with stretch marks from my three pregnancies, but it always leaves this extra gut that I can never seem to shrink...And I hate it when people ask me if I'm pregnant again and my only response is, "NO, I'm just fat..."
In all my years I've never been very fashion savvy...I want to look as good as all the girls I see at church, but my weight loss difficulties and the fact that I like my cowgirl attire, makes it hard to feel like I look good...Sometimes I cheat and buy the same outfits the stores have on display, but oh well...
When Jared and I got married I had this idea to do some online courses in medical transcription so I could still stay home with the kids and contribute to our finances...However, recently I have come to realize that I have never been book smart so I have made a so called career move...Don't get me wrong...I love being a mommy to my little monkeys...but I need something for myself...So I have changed my career route and am grateful for a husband who is very supportive and excited for this new venture of mine...
Cooking and sewing seem to be my hobbies that I have confidence in myself...Even though on occasion there are those burns and backwards moments...but whose perfect? Certainly not me...I am kind of ditzy and forgetful...Like forgetting to put the garbage out to the road on Tuesday mornings, or the days when Rady gets out of school early...But it makes me feel better knowing that I'm not the only one who feels less than perfect all the time...
I love listening to President Uchtdorf(possible spelling error) when he directs his talks you us young ladies...I don't remember his exact words, but he says something along the lines of remember the woman the savior wants you to be and to slow down and take time for yourself...So now that you've read my rambling feel free to leave a comment or suggestion:)
2 comments:
First of all, who cares about the lack of friends on facebook?!?! I think FB is so ridiculous.
Second, I have ALWAYS admired you and thought you were the strong, quiet type.
I know that there are times when everyone feels the way that you described and I don't think that you should ever let anyone or anything make you feel less important.
I believe that the women who are super thin and wear all the designer clothes are hiding something. Whether it's their own personal self esteem issues or trying to please a jerk of a husband or trying to make other women think they are the ideal image of what a woman should be. It's all crap and it's all for the benefit of others. You are the most important woman in your husband's life and in your little monkey's lives. Remember that and don't let what others think about you change that.
I have my moments as well and it's hard to not let what others think bother you. Heck I have in-laws who can't stand the sight of me and blow off their only grandkids because of it. It hurts and I try not to let it consume me but like you said no one is perfect.
I hope I am not rambling on but I think you are awesome and I always have. You keep up with your awesome cowgirl attitude and tell all the others to buck off!!!! (forgive that terrible phrase)
BTW- I made my blog private. e-mail me your address leoandjill@comcast.net
Lynette, if you ever want to hang out I'm around. I don't have much to do at the moment until work starts again. Besides, I love hanging out with you and the kidos. Or if you just need a girls night I would love to do that too!
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