Something to think about

I know I haven't posted anything in a long time but lately two things have gotten me to do some serious deep thinking...The first one is a trip I took with some friends a long time ago and I moved out of town before I could resolve an issue with one of them...I had owed her some money from the trip and didn't bother with it before I left town...The guilt was always there for several years because I have never been one to intentionally hurt anyone's feelings or get back at them for anything...Just recently I was able to track her down and sent some money along with a note expressing my sorrow for taking so long to get back to her...She sent me a thank you note with a line in it that read, "I had forgiven you a long time ago"...That line hit me pretty hard...so my feelings of guilt were warranted...I know in my lifetime I have acted, dumb, weird, not so normal, whatever you want to call it, and have offended people more times than I care to count...But like I said never on purpose...I do hope that those that I have offended in the past have found it in their hearts to forgive me...And I have also found it hard to forgive people as well...I know my husband doesn't like it when I talk about my childhood and how rotten it was, but part of healing and forgiveness it talking about it and letting go of some things...I hated the fact that when I was a kid I was a bed wetter...my parents and my siblings all thought I was lazy and just didn't get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom...It took 16 years and a counselor for them to realize that I was a deep sleeper and couldn't wake up to do so...I would fall asleep and then when I woke up it would be morning...It was like I was in a coma during the night, and would never have known if a burglar had shown up or not...My sisters always made fun of me because I could never have sleep overs with friends and couldn't wait to tell their friends about it either...I always felt left out of things growing up too... My sisters always had more friends and like the shopping thing, while I was a tomboy begging people to be my friend...I hated young women's because the other girls were always better at things than I was and the leaders didn't mind telling me so...I hated being so shy all the time...Whenever people would ask me how I was I would say "fine" and hide my face...I hated high school because I always had to wear the di rejects and never felt pretty...Lots of people that I went to high school with have told me that they wished that they had been a better friend to me back then...too little too late I'm afraid...No one really recognized me at our 10 year reunion...I only went out on one date in high school and it was a girl ask guy dance and only because my dad offered to pay for it...I wish that I had done better in school with my studies...My dream was to go to byu but I gave up on that idea because my parents never had any money...I should have just worked my butt off and showed everyone I could do something...I couldn't stand the fact that Ricks College sent me a letter telling me they weren't taking me because there were too many girls and not enough boys attending there...I never got over the fact that I dated guys who dumped me after only a few dates and then come to find out they told my friends that they had a good thing and let me go...It hurt pretty bad that it wasn't until I was 31 that I finally found my eternal companion.  But I wouldn't give him or my kids up for nothing...He always tries to do whatever it takes to make me happy...The second thing that has caused me some deep reflection is my grandpa's recent passing...when I was a teenager he gave me some good advice and a lot of it went in one ear and out the other...mostly because I was a teenager and we never want to hear what an adult has to say...but I wish I had listened more and taken his advice a whole lot more serious...He was sure right on a lot of things...I regret not having gone on a mission...I had ample opportunity to go and think that it would have helped my self esteem, my confidence, and my testimony, along with my scripture study...I've had dreams about being sent to Montana that seemed so real it was scary...I think I would have not done some of the things I did that I'm not proud of had I changed some of my thinking and life choices...One thing I don't regret is having my son Rady...He helped me so much when I was struggling, but how he could have known that when he was just a baby...I was one of the lucky ones to have been able to have Jared adopt him and he was sealed to us...I have learned that I can be my own hero in my fairytale I call life...I am very proud of all the hard work I have done with my flower shop...and will continue with it as far as I can...I have learned that I don't need to beg people to be my friends...If they can't be a friend then its their loss...I have learned that forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do in my life...I have a family member who will probably never hand out an apology for something that was out of my control, but I have to learn to forgive that person if I'm ever going to get past it...I have learned that even though I struggle with fitting in at places like church, that I am there for my own salvation and that things happen for a reason...I know that I have never been good with words and sometimes the things I say offend people even though these are just my own little thoughts...but I felt compelled to share them and get some things off my chest...Hopefully this helped more than it hurt...

My little mini-me's

Couldn't resist posting this picture...These two are my little mini-me's...They are pretty tough just like their mama, and they look like her too...Jessica is likely to rip your lips off and Jordan likes to pounce...All in good fun of course...And they don't like it when mom leaves the house without them...I guess its good we have two & two, so Dad has boys to play with too...Jordan loves to come in my bathroom and fix her hair and face just like mom and then say, "me pretty!"...Are they cute or what:)

Jessica Lynn Buhr

The last member of our family has arrived...Our little princess Jessica was supposed to be here on June 4th for a scheduled C-section at 9:30a.m., but she didn't want to wait...Just after midnight mommy's water broke...She arrived at 2:12a.m. weighing 7 lb. 11 oz. and was 18 1/2 in. long...What a cutie...Rady and Rhett are tickled to death to have a new sister...Jordan still isn't sure...

Happy Easter

Rustic Petal officially open...

I opened a small flower shop out of my house last month called "Rustic Petal"...Here are a couple of things I did...The Thankgiving centerpiece I did for my sisiter and the Christmas one was one of three that I made for some inlaws...

Our most prized possessions...

No...I'm not talking about our four-wheeler...Or the .22 guns we had for target shooting...I wanted to brag for a minute about my three little monkeys...There are days when they make mess after mess, seem cranky when they haven't had there naps, & give mom a run for her money...But they are our most prized possessions...and are awfully darn cute too:)

Trip to Colorado

Last week we went to Colorado for eight days...
                *Went to Sanford parade and got lots of candy...
                *Went to Manassa parade and got lots more candy...
                *Went to Jared's Crowther family reunion, I have a Crowther side too...
                *Tripped over a kid that cut in front of me and did a nose dive on the gym floor in  front of everyone at the reunion...
                *Met a guy with the exact same name as my dad-Dale Crowther/no joke!!!
                *Went to Rogers family reunion...
                *Borrowed 4 wheeler and camper from inlaws and went camping up at La Jara Reservoir..
                *Looked like Batman driving the 4 wheeler back to camp wearing Jared's jacket in the rain.
                *You're not a Buhr unless your pulling a trailer...haha!!
                *The only thing that would get Rhett off the 4 wheelers the whole time was rain!!
               

Floral Design Class...

In March I started taking a Floral Design class and finished the book work a couple of weeks ago...On Saturday I took a hands on class down in Springville...It was alot of fun, we got to take home all our arrangments,  and I am very proud of my little arrangments if I do say so myself...Hopefully you can see them in the pictures...This coming weekend I am going to a floral convention in Salt Lake then see if I can find a little part time job at a flower shop and still be a mommy...1) the first one is called a triangle arrangment 2) is a nosegay mound arrangment 3) bridal bouquet 4) boutaneirre 5) corsage...

Fishing at Deer Creek

For fun on Friday, we decided to load up the lawn chairs and our fishing gear and head to Deer Creek Reservoir for some family time...We must have picked the wrong day to go cause the wind was blowing pretty good and the fish weren't biting...Needless to say we had lots of fun...I think Jordan had a blast playin' in the rocks...As you can see by the pictures the only thing we seem to have caught was a Miss Jordan...We want to go again:)

Calgon take me away...!!!!

Have you ever had times that you would consider a "rough patch"...You know the kind when you seem like you have more bills than money coming in, your kids are little terrors destroying the house at every turn, and no matter how much of a chocolate stash you have, you can't seem to get out of this depression funk... Three weeks ago I started walking on my treadmill...I speed walk for two miles jamming out to the Bellamy Brothers...I have noticed(and Jared too)that I look thinner, and I actually fit into my old size 8 skirt for church on Sunday and could still breathe...I haven't jumped on the scale yet, I'm too scared to on the off chance that I haven't lost any weight and I don't want to get depressed about it...I have been more consious about what I eat too, cutting out the soda pop wasn't that difficult and I switched to dark chocolate to help with the chocolate cravings... Back in March I enrolled in a Floriculture/Floral Design program...I should be all done with it including a hands on class and convention by the end of June...I'm way excited about it and so far everything is going great...Jared has been very supportive with it, and that makes me feel good... Jared's been gone alot lately which makes me feel like a single mom...One week he came home for a total of 45 minutes...Having a relationship with the cell phone more than my husband is pitiful...Lately we've been talking about maybe making some major life changes in the next few months to help us out...I wish I could say that I have lots of support from my ward with Jared being gone, but I don't...It's so hard to find a babysitter...I remember growing up and the church always taught you to be christlike...when it came to helping out fellow ward members you never questioned it or gave it a second thought...you did it and always got the warm fuzzies afterwards...I think people today have forgotten that, and get caught up in too many things... So if anyone wants a girls night out I'm all for it:)

I love listening to Conference

I try really hard to listen to the conference sessions, but with young children it makes it difficult, and I end up reading them out of the ensign...There are times when some of the talks seem to be speaking right at me...These are just some thoughts I found from several speakers from past talks that are speaking to me right now...I listened to Elder Hollands talk on Saturday and President Uchtdorfs on Sunday that were similar to these, that relate to what I am feeling right now, and maybe it applies to you as well...

Our families are the people dearest to us. Yet still we sometimes cause hurt feelings, give offense, or even break promises. It helps to remember that repentance doesn’t just apply to our relationship with Heavenly Father. Healing, happiness, and peace come to marriage and family when we say, “I’m sorry,” and try to do better.
Knowing how imperfect we are, surely we can extend healing forgiveness to those we love. Jesus said, “I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men” (D&C 64:10). Comfort and sweet peace will live in our homes when we forgive each other freely.

The spirit must be freed from tethers so strong and feelings never put to rest, so that the lift of life may give buoyancy to the soul. In many families, there are hurt feelings and a reluctance to forgive. It doesn’t really matter what the issue was. It cannot and should not be left to injure. Blame keeps wounds open. Only forgiveness heals.”

If we are to have unity, there are commandments we must keep concerning how we feel. We must forgive and bear no malice toward those who offend us. The Savior set the example from the cross: ‘Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do’ (Luke 23:34). We do not know the hearts of those who offend us.”

You may be carrying a heavy burden of feeling injured by another who has seriously offended you. Your response to that offense may have distorted your understanding so that you feel justified in waiting for that individual to ask forgiveness so that the pain can leave. The Savior dispelled any such thought when He commanded: …‘I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men’ [D&C 64:10].”

“Love one another; as I have loved you” (John 13:34). On this simple phrase hangs the success of every marriage and family. In the light of Christ’s love we see our family’s divine potential. We love them with all our heart, soul, and mind. And as we do, our ordinary family is transformed into an extraordinary one.
Because love is the great commandment, it ought to be at the center of all and everything we do in our own family, in our Church callings, and in our livelihood.

Love is the healing balm that repairs rifts in personal and family relationships. It is the bond that unites families, communities, and nations. Love is the power that initiates friendship, tolerance, civility, and respect. It is the source that overcomes divisiveness and hate. Love is the fire that warms our lives with unparalleled joy and divine hope. Love should be our walk and our talk.”

Feeling Little Less Than Perfect or Something Like That...

Lately I've been feeling kinda BLAH!! I have been losing friends on facebook right and left, probably for several different reasons...After having three kids, my body looks like it...and I wish I could shake this "never seem to do anything right" syndrome...When I was a little girl I was so shy...When people would come up to me and ask how I was doing I would quietly say "Fine" and hide my face...It took me well into my adult years to overcome the shyness and still feel like I need to be more of a chatterbox...I don't have a circle of friends that I hang out with all the time or anyone that I go shopping or to lunch with...I'm really close to one of my sisters, but I wish her and I didn't live in different states...

I have been struggling mercilessly since having Jordan to lose those stubborn baby leftovers, but I get so depressed when I get on the scale...lucky for me I haven't gained or lost anything right now, but still it seems hopeless...I want so bad to lose some weight so I can fit into my old jeans again...I do good during the week while Jared's on the road, but then I cook up a storm when he gets home, cause I feel so bad for him having to eat microwave burritos at the truck stops all week...I was lucky enough not ending up with stretch marks from my three pregnancies, but it always leaves this extra gut that I can never seem to shrink...And I hate it when people ask me if I'm pregnant again and my only response is, "NO, I'm just fat..."

In all my years I've never been very fashion savvy...I want to look as good as all the girls I see at church, but my weight loss difficulties and the fact that I like my cowgirl attire, makes it hard to feel like I look good...Sometimes I cheat and buy the same outfits the stores have on display, but oh well...

When Jared and I got married I had this idea to do some online courses in medical transcription so I could still stay home with the kids and contribute to our finances...However, recently I have come to realize that I have never been book smart so I have made a so called career move...Don't get me wrong...I love being a mommy to my little monkeys...but I need something for myself...So I have changed my career route and am grateful for a husband who is very supportive and excited for this new venture of mine...

Cooking and sewing seem to be my hobbies that I have confidence in myself...Even though on occasion there are those burns and backwards moments...but whose perfect? Certainly not me...I am kind of ditzy and forgetful...Like forgetting to put the garbage out to the road on Tuesday mornings, or the days when Rady gets out of school early...But it makes me feel better knowing that I'm not the only one who feels less than perfect all the time...

I love listening to President Uchtdorf(possible spelling error) when he directs his talks you us young ladies...I don't remember his exact words, but he says something along the lines of remember the woman the savior wants you to be and to slow down and take time for yourself...So now that you've read my rambling feel free to leave a comment or suggestion:)